Everywhere except the Sanctuary

So, I was reading in the Word this morning, [and by Word, I mean Bible-the B I B L E, yes that's the book for me, I stand upon the Word of God, the B I B L E...ha, sorry, had that running through my head] and I realized that David was so human. I mean, duh, but I he is so down to earth and relatable.

In Psalms 73, David is talking about how all the people around him are rich and sinful-that is doesn't make sense why they prosper while they curse God. He even goes to say, "When I thought how to understand this, it was too painful for me--"...but then he has a turn around and realizes how to get his perspective right. And it's so true and I needed to hear it:

Until I went into the sanctuary of God; Then I understood their end. Psalms 73:17

I realized, why do I go everywhere BUT into the presence, the sanctuary of God, to find out answers? As humans, or at least as the person that I am, I try to scheme and figure out and fix things myself. But really, if I just give it to God, get in His presence, and seek Him, I will find understanding. Not just understanding, but wisdom for my situation. And the grace to live it out and work out the things God is putting before me. When I put all my trust in myself-to try and figure things out on my own- it makes for so much more stress...but when I just give it to God and trust Him--What a relief! It's like that song, "What Joy, What Joy for those whose Confidence is in the Lord, What Peace, What Peace for those Whose Confidence is Him Alone."

So, I will end with this verse, because it's the end of Psalms 73, and it pretty much sums up my thoughts for this post:

But it is good for me to draw near to God;

I have put my trust in the Lord God,

That I may declare all your works.

Psalms 73:28

All Moved In

So, I've been neglecting the blog a bit due to all the extra work with moving and settling into our place, but it's coming along and looking GREAT! I'm so excited to have a yard for Malachi to play in. We haven't had to deal with any slamming doors or late night music. We've been able to paint and decorate to make this place our own. There are still some things we want to do, but for only being in the house for 12 days(3 of which were at a hotel-more to come on that) I think the place looks great!

We moved in on the 19th, and that same day discovered a mysterious wet spot in the middle of the hallway carpet. It was small, so I just figure that Malachi had spilled some juice or something...but oh boy, was I wrong! The carpet kept getting more and more wet until we discovered that our AC unit wasn't draining into a drain, and instead draining onto the floor and coming up under the carpet!!! Ugh. It was wet and starting to smell. Then we found out that the hot water heater was broken. It worked for the first about 24 hours we moved in, then it wouldn't stay lit. So, no hot water with two babies and two sweaty parents-NOT ideal! All at the same time, we discovered that our kitchen drain wasn't draining(unless you waited like an hour after running the water for a minute). Plumber came to look at the drain and discovered that our pipes had a TON of roots going through them. He was almost like, get out of the lease now, because this could be a major complication. So, we went to a hotel. They dug through the concrete slab, fixed the pipes, the AC unit, the water heater. They even replaced the carpet and nasty linoleum floor with some nice ceramic tiles...and all was well.

Or so we thought.

The next day, I go to do laundry. Anyone who has kids knows you have to do laundry like almost every day, if not every day. [I'm sure I could scrounge up a load a day]. So, I put a load in, I've got all the other laundry sorted and ready to go for a days' worth of laundry washing, drying and folding. Bet you can guess what happened....the laundry drained...INTO THE TUB! yucky dirty laundry water drained into our tub and our toilet spilling over onto the bathroom floor and soaking our new bathrug. Thankfully I got in there fast enough to get the rug up and drying...called the property manager asap and had another plumber out here in about and hour or so. They were here almost all day, but got everything fixed up. So, now we have new pipes, new washer, new stove, new tile floors, new carpet, new house. [just hoping for NO MORE disasters!]

So, Mark and I are putting in a patio. It's our first time doing it, and it's truly back-breaking labor, but looks so great! Our good friend Sam is also helping Mark out today to get it finished so it's all ready for our July 4th cookout! It's the debut of our new home, and it's going to be a blast! Can't wait to have friends over to see our place.

So much work accomplished, yet so much more to be done. On the list next is:

1.) put tomato plants in the planter boxes out back

2.) give some identity to the front living room/dining room

3.)get another red chair for the den

4.)continue to clean up what Mark calls the "board walk" in the back yard

5.)prune front bushes and define the flower bed

6.)get dead tree in back yard removed

We are loving life being in a house!

Muffins, Men, and Moving

So, yesterday I made muffins. In the midst of moving and packing and taking care of my men, we had some bananas that were going brown and a few apples sliced in the fridge that no one was eating, so I made muffins. Apple Banana Oatmeal Muffins-they were yummy...I wonder if that's sort of my stress relief. I mean, I didn't need to make them, and quite honestly, I'll end up eating most of them. ha. But it was kinda nice to make them...I just wish the dishes cleaned themselves afterwards.

We are moving this week. I did not realize how hard this is to do with two mobile men under the age of 3...who get into everything, and unpack the toy box every time I put the toys away. It's amazing all the people up here who move so often-minimalism is the key! I have thrown so much stuff away, donated so much stuff, and we have a closet full of things to take to donate to the GC Camp Yardsale Fundraiser-and we still seem to have too much stuff!

But, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Our apartment is starting to look a little more empty, and our new house is starting to come to life. We've painted our bedroom and the boys' room, and my good friend Liz is painting an awesome mural on the boys' wall. Today, I'm going to take some more stuff over there. My downfall is that I want everything in and settled immediately! I hate the feeling of being unsettled. So, as soon as I get in there with the boxes, I go into a frenzy of finding a spot for it to fit. So, we will have everything moved in by Saturday afternoon, and our new place will be settled and decorated by Saturday evening. That's just the way it is. Ha.

[Not So] Sweet Nothings...

So, I haven't blogged in a while because I feel like there's not a whole lot of interesting ideas or things happening in my life...but then I realized that there's a whole lot going on, and even if it's not interesting, it's my life....so here it is.

I finally was able to take Silas to the Dr because we got insurance back through Mark's job. She got him a prescription cream and a sort of Benadryl liquid medicine, and holy cow-can someone say, "world of a difference." It's like I have a whole new kid! He wakes up cooing, he goes to sleep and stays asleep...he's much more content during the day...it's amazing! Praise God for medicine and Dr's and insurance, and all that!

Also, we're in the process of moving from a small apt to an even smaller house. BUT, it's a HOUSE! No more slamming doors from our not so aware neighbors at 2 AM, or banging on the walls from the little girl that lives next door...No more cabinet doors shutting, or loud music playing up the staircase. No more 3 flights of stairs to navigate with two kids who are often sleeping after being in the car. No more packing everything up just to be able to go outside to play for 1/2 an hour! No more hooking up our washer machine to our kitchen sink, and having to roll it out and back every time I use it! Can you tell I'm a little excited? We have a fenced in backyard with a huge shed out back to store all of our random stuff. And we'll live in a neighborhood again!

So, I'm packing up our house while taking care of my two boys, and let me tell you, it's a slow process. They get into(or try atleast)every box I pack...and there seems to always be stuff everywhere. and more stuff than I know what to do with. But it's getting done. And soon, we'll be in our new place and settled and happy!

My older son, Malachi, is going to be 3 in November. We've tried to start the potting training thing...and he's not having it! I mean, it's not like he just doesn't want to sit on the potty-no, it's a whole traumatic breakdown if we ask him to. I mean like falling on the floor crying. ha. So, no potty for us yet...which means yucky diapers for two boys for God knows how much longer...but, things could be worse, so I'm not complaining! I love my boys and they'll get there when they get there...

I mean, how could you not love those faces?

So, that's my life for right now. and I love it :)

I am a Woman

I am a woman- I mean, most of you reading are probably thinking, "uh...yeah, duh..." but I mean more than just the fact of my physical being...

Meaning, I am a woman, SO...

there are days when I feel smart and sexy and beautiful, and like Super Woman...Like nothing can touch me, and I'm on top of the world, and that every person I walk by is going to stop and stare because I've got something that they want: be it confidence, beauty, style, grace, etc...

but I also have days where I feel uncomfortable with my body. Days when I think that I am not beautiful. Days when my hair doesn't go the right way, and my stretched body from carrying two babies is tired and worn and out of shape. Days when the clothes just don't fit me right. Days when my confidence is at an all time low, and I don't feel like I can do much more than the mundane things to get me through the day. Days when my mind doesn't seem to function as it used to, and I can't find the right words. Days when I could lay in bed and just be there... I am a woman.

I am a woman. And this means sometimes I have feelings that I can't exactly express. There are things I experience and want to say and explain and share, but I can't find the right words. There are times I am so angry that I could scream, but the words to describe why just don't come to me. Times when I am not even sure myself why I am feeling the way that I am...and if I don't even know why I'm feeling it, then how could I explain it to someone else? I am a woman.

I am a woman. There is a part of me deep down that knows that I could do every thing that a man could. Not to prove to everyone that men and women are equal, but more to prove to myself that I am as strong as I believe I am. There's a part of me that knows that I am just as smart, savvy, physically capable, strong, business-minded, and hard-working. There's part of me that has to prove that to others around me-mostly for my own sake.

I am a woman. When I put my mind to something- I mean, really believe that I can do it, and that it's what I want- I can do it! Every obstacle imaginable could come my way, but nothing could stop what I've put my mind to...and that's especially true when that thing involves my family-my husband or my kids. There's an instinct in me that says, no one messes with me or my family...I am a woman.

I am a woman. I live my life to those outside of my circle as someone who doesn't need help. As if to say, "I'm good to go. Thanks for the offer, but I have everything I need..." I live as if I've got everything under control...and sometimes I do...but more often, I'm able to put on a great front if I need to. There are those who I can go to and tell that I don't have it all together. The circle of friends that support me in my effort of being the "strong" woman that I want to be...but not everyone gets to see that part of me...I am a woman.

I am a woman. I carry in my possession most places that I go more things than any man probably ever would. And sometimes those things fit in the smallest and most stylish handbag you've ever seen. I am prepared at all times for accidents, purchases, scheduling, needs...just life...I am a woman.

I am a woman. I listen and care, and I try to identify...my way of helping is to tell you my story of how I can identify with your situation...even if that doesn't really help your situation. It's just part of who I am. My ability to understand where you are, puts me in a place to give you advice, help, prayer, support....it doesn't mean that I can come up with a solution for you, but at least I will be able to identify with you. "I understand" isn't just something that comes out of my mouth...it comes from my heart too.

I am a woman.

Real

So, today, I discovered something about myself.

I discovered that when I blog, I often try to sound perfect. Not perfect in speech or perfect in my ability to write, but sort of the ideal me, and not always as I really am.

Today a good friend of mine sent me a link to this new blog she found, and I read it...and I loved it. I realized that I loved it because of how real it as. I loved it because of how it made me feel-like I wasn't alone in the world. Like, there are other moms who feel the way that I do. Like, I don't have to be perfect every second, or pretend my world is without blemish...or that I always love myself, or that my kids pee and poop excellence. ha.

So, here goes the start of a journey of blogging where I don't always have to sound elegant, or educated, where I tell the truth and don't try to hide when I fail or fall or make mistakes, or what have you.

Lately, my son, whom I love dearly with all my heart...he hasn't been sleeping. And when I say "lately"...I really mean, ever. He's almost 9 months old, and I think I've had 4 whole nights of interrupted sleep since he was born. I'm not saying that to whine or complain or ask for sympathy. I'm saying it because it's real-it's the truth. Some days, I want to rip my hair out, go out on our 3rd floor apt balcony and scream as loud as I can, and then take the chair that's on the balcony and smash it to a million pieces...and sometimes, I feel like the whole is perfect and great, and I am the supermom that I want to be, and I can do it! So, on the days where the hair ripping wants to begin, I'm so thankful for a husband I can vent to-a husband who tells me, "go to Starbucks and get a latte and just relax. take a book. take a magazine. make a phone call. don't think about the kids or me." and on the days when I feel like supermom, I'm thankful for the break from the emotional turmoil that I sometimes feel as a young mom of two.

There are days when I feel like my life is not my own. Days when the routine of life just kicks in and it's not really Wendy operating, but more of a back-up, kick-in version of who I might be if a robot were ever created of me[please don't get any ideas...this wouldn't be a very good robot]. Days when the number of diapers that I have to change, the impromptu baths that have to be given, the dishes that need done, the laundry that needs washed/dried/folded...days when that all seems to take over.

But, the light at the end of the tunnel are the days when I get to be me. Where I get to work on that set of greeting cards that I probably will never sell, but I love the creative outlet. Days where I actually get out of the house and take my son to the playground and run around with him. Days when I get all packed up just so I can take a walk in the sunshine and feel like I got good exercise while spending time with my kids. Days when my hubby calls and says, "let's take a family date...we'll go out to dinner, and I'm paying." Days when my two year old wants to cuddle up and give me kisses, and tickle my neck and make me laugh. Days when my almost 9 month old decides he's gonna crawl across the house just to look up at me with a big smile on his face and his curly little hairs on the top of his head all out of control.

That's what makes it all worth it. The times when I feel invisible, almost on auto-pilot, those times are greatly outweighed by the joys that come from being a mom, and a wife. They are outweighed by trying a new recipe and succeeding, and my best friends loving it. They are outweighed by my son finally saying the words we've been working on. They are outweighed by the sun shining, and the flowers that my father-in-law gave me not dying[I always kill whatever plants are in my possession- I have the black thumb].

So, today, be real. Don't try to be something your not. And know, that no matter what you are going through. Whether you feel like a terrible mom, terrible person, or like you're not even there at all...someone else is going through that same thing. And it's okay. It really is okay-and being real, it's the best thing you could ever do.

Steps Ahead

There are so many times in life that I don't understand why things happen-and the flesh, the man, the human, the soul of me just wants to know, "why?!" But I've discovered something in the past few weeks...nothing that is profound, or extraordinary...and not even something that I've never heard before, but something that I'm finally coming to understand: God is steps ahead of us.

I don't just mean, He knows what's coming. I don't just mean He's bigger than our situation(even though he definitely is) I mean, He's steps ahead. He's organizing everything in our lives for our best. He's putting together every little detail. He works together all things for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. [Romans 8:28]

My husband and I have been looking for our next place to live.

For those of you who don't know, we were called by God to come up to DC January of 2009 to serve under Pastors Michael and Heather Giroux at the City Church. There have been a lot of unknowns during our journey here. Not just since we've been here, but to get here and all through every day of our journey. It's been all about learning to trust God that He knows what He's doing. But not only that, He has our best interests in mind. He has plans to prosper and not to harm. [Jeremiah 29.11] To give some background, to move up here, we went from two full-time incomes to just one. With the move, Mark and I decided that I would stay home with our 1 year old, Malachi. This was a stretch for us financially. Not just a little stretch, but a really tight, tight, hard stretch. Not only that, but I had just found out before we moved up here that we were pregnant with our second child. Talk about trusting God-moving to a way higher cost of living area, going from two incomes to one, and having another child. God was on the move-He HAD to be on the move... So, we left behind our first home that we purchased. We found some great renters whom we trusted to take care of our property, and we moved our family up here into a temporary living situation in a house owned by the church(until we could find/afford a place of our own). After a few months of being here, we knew we were in a little over our head, but we also knew we were where God called us to be. All we could do was trust Him. My husband was working for one job, while searching for a better, higher paying one.

Finally, he found one.

Let me just say, he was not qualified by the standards of men for this job. He only had a few years of sales experience...none of which had to do with fencing. All the other guys at the company he was hired to work for had 10+ years of not only sales, but fencing sales...but the favor and plan of God was on Mark's life, and he was offered the position. With the new job, and us having been looking for a place, we decided to move to where we are now. We looked for a long time, wondering where we were going to be, and what we could ever afford. We finally found an apartment that we really liked, but it was going to be a HUGE stretch for us financially. Again, we had to trust that God is our provider and not ourselves. During this time Mark was starting his job, learning the new processes of a different company, and starting to work on contracts for work...not knowing that the whole time, God had our best interests in mind[but I'm getting ahead of myself...] So, we moved. 7 months pregnant, onto the third floor of our new apartment, we moved. All the while, my husband and I scheming on how we could make more money to make sure we would be able to afford this new place.

When we moved, I had to find a new doctor. Mark had a new job, and we couldn't get the insurance until after his probationary period. We weren't sure what we were going to do. I was 7 months pregnant, and we certainly couldn't afford to pay for the birth and hospital expenses with cash, but God had our best interests in mind. I did not have to pay one pretty penny for Silas' birth/delivery, hospital expenses for myself or him, or his care for the first 3 months of his precious life-thank God for Maryland Health. It still blows my mind to think about that...after having had Malachi with health insurance and still owing money/paying it off after 1 year of his life, we didn't have to pay anything for Silas. What a blessing, to say the least.

So, we had Silas. Now two kids, in a new place, with a new job for my husband, a new church, and lots of things happening! Mark started giving guitar lessons to supplement our income to help with the added expenses of two kids. It has been the perfect amount. Not only have we been able to bless others, the church, and get caught up on some credit, we've learned so much. This past Christmas we didn't have to put one cent on a credit card. We were able to pay cash for all of our Christmas expenses thanks to the blessing and favor of God on our lives. He's steps ahead.

Mark's job- now that is one of the biggest blessings of all. We came to find out, after him working for his new company for several months, that he was hired to work in the [by far] busiest branch of his company. Not only this, he was already one of the tops salesman after a few months because of where he was hired. After now working there for coming up on a year, he's already had a few different raises, bonuses more than we ever expected, and makes now more than our two incomes combined when we left from Newport News to come here.

So, back to looking for a place to live. To fill in a little bit of the background here, like I said a few paragraphs ago, we found renters when we moved. They were great-even fixed a few things on the house...and they wanted to buy it! Then, the house got broken into and trashed a bit. Our awesome renters decided they didn't feel safe staying there, especially since they had recently found out they were pregnant with their first child. We understood and decided to let them out of their lease 6 months early. So, we searched for a new renter. We found one a few weeks later. We should have known it was too good to be true. The nightmare of this ordeal started here. The security deposit our new renter gave us was rejected- "insufficient funds." The next several months included a lot of phone calls, stern emails, and finally the court process to have our tenant(who never paid us one penny-after all the promises, excuses, and such) evicted. We were awarded a conviction against our tenant and he was removed. Our lovely first home that we dearly loved, is now for Short Sale. It's been on for 6 months now, and we haven't had one offer...but God has our best interests in mind-He's steps ahead. I sometimes try to revert to asking ,"why?!!!" until I remember again that God has great plans for us. Plans to prosper and not to harm. So, we've given it to him.

So, again, we're looking for a place to live. We've been looking for awhile, trying to figure out how we are going to past the credit checks for any place considering that our credit is wrecked from our short sale...and we found a place. A little single family house with a fenced in yard...and a beautiful dogwood tree in the front yard. We've been approved by the realty company to rent the house. Not only that...God doesn't just take care of the BIG picture, he cares about the little details too...the desires of our hearts. The landlord not only has lowered the price 150 from his original rental price, he's remodeling the kitchen. It's not only a single family house, but it has a full size washer and dryer...it has a den and living room...it has an enormous storage shed out back for all of our things(I was wondering where we were going to put anything in such a small space). It really is the perfect home for us...the little details that God so cares about.

So, I come back to another place of God being steps ahead. One of the first "jobs" that Mark worked on for his new company when he first started...it was a large job, but he thought it had fallen through. Nothing had happened on it in several months, and he thought it was dead. Guess when that job went through? Just a few weeks ago. Not only that, God is steps ahead...the job that he closed, it uses a product that he buys from another company...and that company is running a promotion where if you buy this super-specific product, you get an immediate cash kickback...guess what specific product it was?? EXACTLY the one that Mark needed for this job that was dead. And, guess how much that kickback was for Mark?? EXACTLY how much the security deposit is for this perfect little house that God provided for us.

So, whenever you're wondering if God is in the midst of your situation; when you are wondering why things happen...when you want to find an open field and yell up to the sky, "WHY???!!!!"...when you feel like the last thread of the rope you are clinging onto is about to break...just remember, God is steps ahead.

Experiences and Resposes

In thinking today about life in general, I came across the realization that there are many different ways to cope/deal/respond with the things of life. Not that life is bad, or negative, so cope might not be exactly the right word...maybe I mean there are different ways to discover life, or understand it. Maybe at times, it means appreciating life, or remembering it, but what it comes down to is- people have all different ways of doing it.

There are those who write it down. The good things, the memories, the heartaches, and meditations. I keep a journal for my son, Malachi. It has little tidbits from important people in our lives and his, and it also has many entries from me and my husband. Some of the things are about who we are and how much we believe in him. Some of it is about the little things that he does that we want to always remember. Some of it explains why we are where we are, and the call of God on our lives. I also keep a journal for myself-it's something I've done off and on since I was in middle school. I'm not consistent in journaling, but I often find when there's something important that has happened, or a hard time I'm going through, I can articulate it most clearly through writing. My emotions spread out on paper for me[and hopefully only me] to see. The good thing about that is that I think/write about how I feel before I decide whether[or how] to express it to those who are most dear to me. The fault of this sometimes I think, is that often I don't share these parts of me with others. Sometimes I keep the bad, and the even the good, to myself.

There are those who take/let it out on others. They laugh and share when there are good times. They cry when they have hard times. They scream and yell and shout when they are hurt or confused or angry... They share who they are with all those who are around them. In some ways I think this could be a plus. With people like that, there's never any wondering what's happening in their head. Like the old saying goes, "they wear their heart on their sleeve." There's something to be said about someone who can be that open with the people in their lives. Of course, there's always the downside of that as well...hurting those around you with words out of emotion that don't always accurately portray how you are really feeling or what you really think.

There are those who create. In some ways, I guess this could fall under the writing category, but I think there are some differences. Sometimes beautiful things can come out of hard, confusing, hurtful, exciting, exhilarating, joyful times. Great songs, beautiful paintings, amazing architecture, photography, graphic design, poetry, sculpture, what have you, can all come out of expressing life-coping/dealing with the things of life. This could even lead to telling the "story" of creating while sharing this part of your life with those who enjoy your art. It could also be a way of sort of getting out of having to express your emotions and thoughts to others through conversation.

Some people revert inside of themselves not expressing their life to others or even to themselves. They may think a lot about what has happened to them, both good and bad. They may not think that their life is important enough to share, or their experiences significant enough, so they mull things over for themselves. They possibly will share their lives with one person who is incredibly close to them, whom they trust.

I think we all would be wise to learn from each category of these people. To learn how to deal/cope/learn from life by trying each way. Sometimes only sharing things with those we trust the most. Sometimes by expressing things outright by shouting, yelling, wearing our hearts on our sleeves. Sometimes we should create works of art by sorting through our experiences and feelings and creating out of them. Sometimes we should write or journal so that we can understand and express our own life for our own better understanding.

To be First

So, today in reading Matthew 20, I realized a few things about myself. One is that I have many of the issues I dislike to see in others(I see the speck in other's eyes without removing the plank from my own). I am so thankful to God that his mercies are new every morning and that the Holy Spirit prompts us to repentance so we can move on in God! The Second thing I realized is that there could be a great correlation between the Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard and the Greatness that comes from Serving.

To sum up the parable of the workers, the owner of the vineyard went out early in the morning to employ some workers to come to his vineyard. They discussed and agreed upon a denarius to work for the day, and went to work. The owner then continued to go out every few hours throughout the day and hired more workers. At the end of the day he paid them their wages, each one earning the exact same amount. Now, those who worked all day did not think that was fair, and I can understand it! BUT, the owner brought up a great point-it is his money to give, and how can they tell him he cannot pay the others the same? So, in my reading this, I was comparing the vineyard to the Church. Some people have worked so hard in putting in long hours of hard work, and prayer, and vision, and time...and yet others will come in after that foundation has been laid(after all that work was put in, time given, etc.)- and might be given positions of greater authority or leadership...and there is to be no refutal from those who've worked the whole time, because, it's God's to give- the leadership, authority, position, blessing, etc...it's God's...AND, there's no greater joy than to have the privilege to serve the Body of Christ and the House of the Lord.

So, in correlating the two stories, we need to have a servant's heart, just like Jesus did...that to become great in the kingdom, we must become the servant of all. Because the greatest of all Men, Christ, "came not be be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."(Matt 20:28) How much more should we, as the people of God, be willing to give up our lives to serve the Kingdom...We aren't entitled to anything. God gives as he sees fit, and if you feel like you're(or if I feel like I'm) entitled to something in the House of God, I should check my heart and motives to see what/who I'm doing it for...

So, today I am thankful to be able to serve the Body of Christ, the Church, and thankful that because his mercies are new every morning, I can seek today to become more of a servant to all.

What We Have is Enough

In reading Matthew 14 today, I realized something very profound for my own life. I know that often times, I feel as though I don't have anything to offer God, and so I try to manufacture, scheme, get something together to offer to him that is "more" than I started with. In all my work and scheming I always come up with something that is mediocre and not the quality or character of what I really want to offer to God.

In vs. 17-18 the disciples told Jesus that they only had 5 loaves and 2 fish. They didn't try to scrounge around, or go purchase more, or try to make a deal with the bakery in town...they told Jesus what they had. All they had to do was bring it to Jesus, He said, "Bring them here to me." Nothing profound or crazy, just entrusting the little they had to God, and He made it multiply more than they probably ever dreamed.

What little bit is God asking you to offer to Him today that He is going to multiply to blow your mind? Don't try to scheme to come up with something that you think might be better, just give what you have to God and watch him multiply it!

Emotions

It occurred to me yesterday that I am a person who is greatly effected by emotion. My responses to others come out of my emotions, my outlook comes out of emotions, my faith(or lack of) is a result of my emotions-it all comes from what I allow to control my emotions. I have noticed that those around me influence me easily in this area. If someone has great faith for something, I catch on very easily and quickly and believe God for something amazing to occur, but if I am around someone who has little faith or is quite negative, I quickly might find myself becoming the same.

I know that we can guard our hearts against this great influence, and I'm determined to seek the face of God for strategy and help in doing this. I will become the influencer, not the influenced.

Today, I was reading in Matthew 14: 13-14 where Jesus goes away to a quiet place after the death(beheading) of John the Baptist. I can only assume he has gone away to mourn and contemplate the death of this great man of God. So, Jesus goes away to a "quiet" place only to find that the multitude had followed him out there. Now, I know my response to this would be a fleshly response similar to: "can't I just get a minute of quiet time to myself??!!!", but Jesus' response was the complete opposite. He was moved with compassion on the crowd and He healed their sick.

I want to be more like Jesus today-so selfless that regardless of life's circumstances, He was moved by those who needed the Love of God and healing in their lives. Not ruled by emotion, but instead ruled by the unconditional love of Christ.

Two

So, right now two is a number that is hard for me to swallow sometimes.

I have a two year old who is amazing and fun loving and crazy, but he's two and with that comes the all to0 realistic stereotypes of a two year old: 1.)testing every boundary, 2.)getting into anything he can get his hands on, 3.)saying "no" to every question that mommy asks even questions where "no" isn't relevant, 4.)refusing to take naps and then falling asleep in the car, on the couch, in the shopping cart, etc

...and then there's also the two of having two kids. My boys are such a blessing, but two is a hard hurtle to get over. I've heard from veteran moms that two is a jump, but once you get past that, you're good to go for as many as you want. Not sure we're going to have any more, but I feel the hurtle...

so, as in training for a hurtle event, you have to stretch, and be disciplined, and practice, practice, practice... get your timing right. I am learning there is similar training in motherhood... i am being stretched in my capacity to handle stressful situations with grace, i am learning to be disciplined that when i say "no" or that punishment will come with another testing that I have to stick to what i say-kids are too smart and learn really quickly that mommy will give me more chances than one. I am learning to practice what i preach and practice disciplining... and that timing is everything with kids-sometimes if you wait too long to discipline they don't know what it is for, or if you push too early for something they have a breakdown. Sometimes it's just that they're tired, or not awake yet, or just need some one-on-one mommy time that they see happening with their younger sibling... and there are times when you have to choose your battles, not to compromise your discipline, but to give yourself a moment of sanity or because the fact that your child doesn't want to eat the toast you made isn't the end of the world, and the fat stores he has in his cheeks could last him a week! :)

so in the end, two really isn't a bad number, it's just one that takes practice and training. And, I can learn to love two.

No More Excuses

So, this morning I noticed that my husband had written on his mirror, "no more excuses", and I realized I might have needed that more than him. We all start out each year with such great intentions only to discover that we are human and will ultimately fail to some extent...and the issue isn't that(the failing), but it's the inability to keep going, or get back up and continue with our goals.

I had set a few goals for myself for this new year, and only one week in, I had missed two days and was feeling like it was useless to even set any goals at all. Then I read my husbands mirror and realized, I can still meet my goals, I just have to decide to make up for my lost days and continue on in my endeavor to become a better version of myself-never forgetting that I am human, and might miss a few days, or fall short of my set goals, but as long as I keep at them, I am bigger than my failures.

So today, be bigger than your failures. Don't let one mistake, or missed goal, or hiccup destroy your whole year of becoming a better you. Let this truly be a year of reached and exceeded goals-one day at a time.